Dear Australian politicians,
I'm merely a humble observer of your craft; the way you sit in that green chamber and thrust arguments with iron will into the air almost brings a tear to my eye; but your political scandals kind of suck.
Mr. Rudd and Mr. Swan, surely you could embezzle a large sum of money or steal the crown Liberal Party jewel which they have stashed away underneath Joe Hockey's seat. But this crap about sending emails to some car dealer just doesn't make your government any more interesting than it already is(n't.) I think Malcolm is barking up the wrong tree when he demands a copy of the email for all to see - I doubt that either one of you could figure out the print function on Microsoft Outlook. Better call up your "tech support" guy quick smart a (It's the button marked "Delete" guys.)
Until you come up with a scandal that doesn't suck, I will force Gough Whitlam and Malcolm Fraser out of retirement so we can re-enact the 1975 Constitutional Crisis. I mean, ACA would be forced to sort of pay attention to it. Imagine all the creepy music and grainy, black and white montages they could play in slow-motion? Don't deny them this golden opportunity to devolve Australian public affairs further into frivolous muckracking!
Yours,
Crushtor