Thesis Diary #8: Finkle is Einhorn

Today, as I was re-combining my thesis into something resembling an academic quality thanks to the tips of Dr. Tony Moore I had a "Eureka" moment. I called it my "Finkle is Einhorn" moment in honor of Ace Ventura's spectacular and gut-wrenching realization (which you can watch here - but of course, it's a massive spoiler. Seriously, watch the film.)

It was mostly due to this line that I wrote, that sums up the theories of Bourdieu as applied to rock criticism and the media ecology approach to describe the differences in the environment prior to the internet and during. Back in the day, label types would tee up interviews in Rolling Stone and Creem and NME - and sometimes they wouldn't have to because journalists would want to hang around bands because it made them cool and would champion new rock genres and styles such as punk, new wave, progressive rock and so on. I was so embedded in this circuit, it only just dawned on me, but I was unable to explain it via theory and real-world examples until now:

Brown contends that contemporary rock journalists are merely “sponsors” of pre-fabricated trends transmitted through public relations “spin doctors” in order to appear in tune with what is popular in the rock subculture as a “survival mechanism” to keep themselves in the employ of their magazine and position as a "rock authority" or on behalf of their publication, which is beholden to a variety of publishers, shareholders, etc.  The access to the “stars” themselves becomes a field of limited production – that is, new content to be generated and sold to the readership. People can go to gigs, etc. and upload footage of the concert to YouTube – but anyone with a web-enabled smartphone may also do the same. Not everyone may interview or “hang out” with a rock star in order to write an article about him or her and be afforded an opportunity to further consecrate the rock music field in its rich and storied timeline. This imbues a position of [privilege] on to a rock journalist who is given this “face time” with rock musicians, lending them a heightened position in a market of symbolic value.

What's more interesting that even in Australia, there's a huge bunfight over what's cool and more 'hip' and what's commercial trash, even though they're basically getting a different phonecall from the same publicist. Creem would criticise Rolling Stone for being too serious, and we have the same thing repeating today between different websites, even though the sources of their content is near identical. I've only about a month to go, but of the 12K words I've got now, I feel that 80% is solid. I've also decided to re-write my introduction from scratch since it almost makes no sense. (Well, marginally less sense)

I may even have to ditch the original title: The media ecology approach takes a back seat to the theories of cultural production, which seems more sociological rather than grounded in pure media and communications. Over the last few days, I've cleared mental cobwebs away from my thesis after meeting with Tony - I wish I'd discovered how to do this before, but even at this advanced stage (I should stop saying that. Quan from Regurgitator was right; it does sound like my thesis is some sort of disease) I could very well pull this off and have it handed in with time to spare despite the tendency to distract myself with paid work and other dalliances into something that I used to call "fun."

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Thesis Diary #7: The Hazards of Overqualification

"It's the awareness, the full experience of how you are stuck that makes you recover and realize the whole thing is just a nightmare."

- Dr. Fritz S. Perls

So I'm into the home stretch. Approximately 5,000 words to write and only a few more pieces of research to collate and I'm into the editing phase. Many thanks must go out to Leticia for her suggestion to collaborate with a fellow "metalhead" researcher in Paula Rowe of the University of South Australia. She too is working on a more sociological perspective of metal culture, especially amongst youth. I am very much looking forward to our correspondences.

So this week has blurred with eyes wearied by frustration and angst - work has been sporadic and to top it all off - I lost my wallet! And my watch broke! All on the same day! Now I have to spend money I don't have (the last $25 in the entire world was in that wallet, may I say. Oh and ladies, I'm single.) to replace the cards I was probably never going to use anyway. Oh, the irony!

But throughout my thesis portion of the degree, I actively sought part time work (preferably, but not exclusively in my field) to gain an income. I have been rebuffed more often than not with the usual reason being "You're about to earn your Masters' degree - why would you stick around once it's done?" The Catch-22 is that I've not yet completed the qualification which bars me from most positions; yet the jobs that I require for immediate income take a pass on my application, citing the imminent attainment of said degree as the reason. As the father of Gestalt therapy says above - yes, this does feel like a nightmare.

I could labor on from the generosity of family and friends, but ever since youth, I prided myself on self-reliance. But does that mean not asking for help? As a man, it takes a lot of courage in today's society to admit defeat and ask for assistance, lest it "dilutes one's potency or manliness." Such are the hidden horrors of a displaced masculinity. (But more on that another time!)

So, to boost productivity and assess the relative worth of keeping up my social media accounts, I've taken yet another social media moratorium. Aside from my blogs etc. there's no Twitter and Facebook for at least another week. Beyond that, who knows?

People are shocked when I hint at the inherent impermanence of social media especially now it's embedded into our culture so silently and so totally. With so many yet to be discovered technologies that may "change the culture completely," why are we so preoccupied by convincing ourselves that social mediums such as these are the "big things?" At what point did Facebook become a mandatory extension of ourselves much like reading and writing? At what point did we let it? Why do people assume rules and social conventions exist for these mediums when we are the departure point of their enforcement? When these are completely new entities? When the method of interaction has changed? The more you think about it, the sillier it becomes - well, at least to me.

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Thesis Diary #6: Hemi Annus Horribilis

"I mustn't run away."

- Shinji Ikari

Sitting in the Monash Uni Postgraduate Room, working away on my thesis, it feels like my head has turned to lead and my fingers to stone. I say to myself that "I could walk away now - there's no shame in it. I could take the Grad Dip and walk away." But I ponder that point for a minute. This is me, making excuses. Excusing myself for something I didn't find immediately easy and thus put into the "too hard basket." But then I reduce it back to its origin: I chose this. This half year has been one of ashes. Ashes falling from the sky on to the ground wherever I walk. Some bright spots sure, but it's taken me to the absolute limit. I fly into a thrashing rage at the slightest provocation. I drag myself out of bed and look at myself in the mirror and find sunken black rings around my eyes. I feel irritable just lying in bed and just the other day, I broke my shoe after roundhouse kicking a punching bag. I'm full of frustration at the moment.

Writing about habitus, rock 'n' roll and media ecology isn't physically taxing. But after day - even half a day - at the library, I feel like collapsing into a heap. If I take an hour off to myself, it feels like I'm cheating. If I look for and/or attend jobs to keep some sort of income up now that I have no government support, I feel like I've sacrificed my studies. Then when I see my bank account roll into negatives, I curse my studies and wondered why I even bothered starting. 

Is any of this true? At this juncture, my synapses are so overloaded it makes rational thought almost impossible. I try to read Ellis and the Stoics each day, but new obstacles fall into my hands and I struggle to keep upright. I guess it could be worse. I feel grateful that it actually isn't. But then I challenge my reactions - is this all just perception, and how can I change it?

All I can say is that I will finish; its important to me to finish and with that determination, I will push forward and hopefully make the latter half of 2011 far more enjoyable than the first.

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