You know when you've taken something for granted when it's gone. When the flash of thought that signals you to reach for it has to be quelled in remembrance to that which you had. It seems so effortless, obvious when it's there but then it feels all askance when it's not. I upset a friend yesterday, one of the dearest ones I've ever had the privilege to know. Whether my intentions were merely an oversight or not has not changed the result - I've been shunned and condemned regardless.
Over 10 years of friendship buried by a flight of irrationality and an exchange of spite-filled words. Whether I deserve the treatment or not blurs my vision - being accused of being a bad friend when I've done nothing but support her through thick, thin and the gamut in-between hurts to say the least. Whether a nucleus of truth in what she tells me, what she informs me of what I've done (or not) looks to be present or not may indeed be the flash point for a once iron-clad friendship to unravel and burn. I can't help but think that my friend is crying for help, yet pushing me away at the same time. It's so very, very hard to tell. It's hard to live with. I can't beg for forgiveness forever.