"My name is George. I'm unemployed and I live with my parents."
- George Costanza
Good evening, sports fans. I've gone on yet another social media moratorium until the 14th of January (that has now been extended to Formspring and Tumblr.) Why? Well I'll explain.
The last few days have really exposed some behaviors and feelings that I at least feel I need to work on. Getting "hit" by my grandmother's illness and covering up my feelings about how I handle the aftermath from relationships from myself (and consequently others), I feel has contributed to getting myself stuck in a negative groove to start 2011. I'm doing and saying things from a place of neediness and insecurity instead of strength and abundance.
I feel good that I'm not starting from square one, but I still feel that some areas of my life need shoring up. Some things in life just can't be ideal, all the time. Shit takes work, yo.
I'm spending too much time at home since my employment situation is less than ideal. I'm working on my thesis (slowly) as well as articles for websites I write for. Of course this is unpaid work but work nonetheless. Using Twitter and Facebook is just an excuse to procrastinate and avoid work instead of taking up the challenge of producing good quality copy. If things don't pick up with self-employment, I'll be trying to temp at factories and warehouses instead. It's all about taking care of myself.
Of course taking care of myself means I'll be eating healthier and modifying my exercise regime to be progressively more challenging, preparing me for my belt grading in Sin Moo Hapkido.
Twitter and Facebook has also reinforced an attachment to outcome and keeping an even keel, people-pleasing and trying to appear interesting or intelligent. I sometimes feel like I'm tweeting exclusively just to get a positive response or to gain more followers. What's the point of that?
On the intimate and platonic relationship front, I need to almost start from scratch. Some have slipped considerably, others have had false-starts and many have been declared dead on arrival (for good reasons.) 2011 is a year in which I will re-evaluate who is in my life and who I let into it and why. I haven't taken stock of that for a long while and a social media moratorium is the perfect place to start.
In the dating scene, I thought I was more "ready" than I'd let on to myself, but of course that was a misnomer. Looking for dates and relationships now after such a slender gap between now the end of a relationship probably isn't a good idea for myself and anyone else. So I've decided to go on a three-month dating and sex moratorium.
That's right - no sex and no dates for three months.
It sounds a bit extreme - but I have put myself under such conditions before - namely the first half of 2010 (Six months! Can you believe it?) It was a fun and freewheeling time and I learned how to interact with the opposite sex on a flirty level without the added "rating" of one's performance with...well, performances of a horizontal kind. I could also bond with men and develop my masculinity that had been sorely missing in my life as an adolescent and young adult.
The last moratorium was a journey that required great willpower. Yet it built my inner strength so I could take care of myself and approach life in a positive fashion without fear or shame. Being able to say "no" also prepares one to have "no" said to them.
Preferences that become demands are almost never healthy and a moratorium, I feel, will restore that balance.
My blog will be more focused on these issues during the moratoriums (and yes, there will be several more!) and personal development stories as I really push and challenge myself to be the best man I can be - a small glimpse into a journey of a lifetime!
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Furthermore, a special project is in the works that will combine my talents and personal development, details of which will be revealed soon!