10. The slow death of Australian Journalism
I don't know about you, but if you refused to watch A Current Affair or Today Tonight you'd be relatively safe from the "stories" about grandmothers cheated out of $2,000 worth of Scratchie prizes, why Australia is such an amazing film and competitions that pit bogan against bogan as they stare agog at the multitude of savings they can make by ordering Devon ham from the deli instead of the cooling fridge. But instead the actual News services engaged in a loathsome race to the bottom, elucidating the public on how to wash one's car properly, that a detained journalist is fodder in comparison to a former footballer's indiscretions or game show hosts out on the piss. Lead stories; all worthy, according to Australian commercial television! Thanks for nothing, Fox News.
9. The resurgence of good Television
Name a great Australian TV show. Can you think of any other show apart from Underbelly? I bet you can't - this was a renaissance of Australian drama, doing what Aussies do best; real life crime. We love our crims; we loved Ned Kelly, we revere Chopper Read and now the Carlton Crew and their freewheeling whack-a-mobster spree in the 90s. Of course, the U.S. also had some enticing offerings (more crime, believe it or not) in Breaking Bad, Mad Men and The Wire. (Which I am yet to see, but can pick up for $16 a season at a local DVD shop.)
8. Raising the "We're All Going to Die" Alarm
Luckily, being surrounded by men and women of science, I forwent the doomsaying and irrational nonsense that surrounded the activation of the Large Hadron Collider; besides, if we all ended up as dust, we wouldn't even know about it. How do we know it didn't happen already? A great step forward for the human races' industrious quest to master its place in the universe.
7. Chinese Democracy Drops, no one cares
Seriously Axl, no one cares. Sales were "dissapointing" because most albums don't require a childhood and half an adolescence to produce. I spose if you live in America and like Dr. Pepper its sort of good, but little else.
6. Stealing the Libs thunder
The embattled Liberal (that's Conservatives, for my American friends) can't cut a break. Even missteps that should infuriate (well, me at least) such as raising taxes on Alcopops (while discouraging drinking and tax receipts) and a hare-brained economic stimulus, the Rudd Government had a quiet, if not uninspiring year. Labor buggered up WA, but that was to be expected. Let's see what 2009 holds.
5. World Financial Crisis hits, cheap CDs ain't cheap no more
Gordon Brown infamously proclaimed that UK growth would increase by 3.5% faces hit a multitude of palms as banks were nationalized and entire sectors of the US economy were bailed out by a magnificent and magical sum of $700 billion which seemed to validate bad business sense. Seriously, why would anyone buy loans that no one could possibly re-pay? Have you never heard of the Great Depression, you Stanford MBA types? Sometimes thrift is a virtue.
4. The Heavy Metal fossils rock out Down Under
Well, it was great if you were a metalhead; Iron Maiden, Motorhead and Judas Priest all lobbed down to our shores to delight legions of fans who hitherto never had witnessed their metal gods in full metal regalia before their very eyes. Satisfying down to the very last note.
3. Michael Phelps wins the entire Olympics
Yes. Australians are fucking cocky when it comes to the Olympics. We punch above our weight and we know it. We take on superpowers and win (per capita.) But when this arsehole fucks up our entire pissweak men's team and gives a good one to our debutante darling Stephanie Rice, your simmering hatred gives way to a good natured rivalry and desire to reclaim one's crown; if kids keep buying $20 Bacardi Breezers, then we might have enough money to fund the Aussie Institute of Sport well enough to field a decent team in London.
2. Lesbianism is the new black
I've always advocated an alliance between manly-men blokes and lesbians, but this time it's gone a bit awry. It seems that Lindsay Lohan has made lesbianism a fashion accessory - the feel-good hit of the summer so it seems. Even Katy Perry cashed in on the "lipstick lesbianism" craze by singing light-hearted pop about the taste on the lips of the opposite sex, while "real" lesbians such as Ellen DeGeneres and Portia De Rossi have to settle for gaining equal rights for LGBT people to give people a buzz.
1. Liberalism is the new black...President
It seemed inevitable that America had drifted to the left as they realised they've been had; had by right-wing cronyism, had by warhawks in ivory towers; had by media outlets on the Republican payroll. It was time for a change, and the charisma of Barack Hussein Obama cannot be denied. I hope that his talk is as good as his walk; but for now we can have faith that - yes, he can - restore America to its former glory and standing in the world.
See you in 2009!