Talking to my dear friend Catchy and his housemate Tom about my new personal journey to becoming an integrated male, we discussed Albert Ellis and his Cognitive Behavior Therapy. Tom, a strident practitioner of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy hit upon one concept that had eluded me almost all my life; unconditional self-acceptance.
This basically means that no matter what one does, he accepts himself as perfectly imperfect, lovable just as he is, and able to handle all situations in a number of diverse combinations, probabilities and even uncertainties.
I applied this to my thinking as I continued to work through Dr. Glover's exercises that week. I have to say, I have never felt happier. By being honest with myself, I became honest with others. I spoke my mind; my befuddling, negative and toxic thoughts shined with renewal. By no longer tying my self-esteem to external events, it has afforded me a creativity that I have never previously experienced.
In walking down this distant and worn road, I also pick apart and deconstruct the sources and causes of all my misery and self-limiting beliefs. Its a liberating feeling. I also think that one of the major causes of the failure of my engagement to Elyse broke down because of my inability to know myself. To be intimate, one must know himself, knowing someone else, knowing you. I hid so many parts of myself off to so many people for so long, I seemed to dissolve among the ether, residing as fragments with no whole to base myself on. I'm slowly gathering myself together. For the first time, I'm doing it with a smile on my face and warmth in my heart.